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Slign Asghgubar
"The government is shady and corrupt, yo, and the world is shit, yo." Slign Asghgubar is the descendant of Slim Shady, which naturally means he is a prolific rapper. Although all he really seems to rap about is weed, the corrupt government, and hip-hop being "dead". He is the founder, Prime Chairman, CEO, and MVP of "Reel Hip-Hop", the world's first rap union all comprised of rappers, songwriters, and record producers that have all had their work stolen or plagiarized by Niggav, Slign Asghgubar's lifelong rival. After the defeat of Niggav, Slign and popular rock band Hard Jams Inc. bought Niggav's company, 2Slick4U, and made it a subsidiary of Reel Hip-Hop. Personality Slign Asghgubar is all about being real, yo. He didn't choose the thug life, the thug life kicked him in the balls and forced him to drag his honkey ass along with it. This man definitely has a swagger about him, with clothes, influences, and an overall demeanor plucked straight out of the late 90's / early 2000's. In all of his emails, texts, and blog posts, he will type in Xtreme Kool Letterz, bcuz he'z reel, yo, gud spellin iz 4 phags. In a Tony Hawk game, he would stick out like a sore thumb; in Jet Set Radio, he'd fit right in. In fact, Slign seems kind of stuck in the 2000's, given his preoccupations with trends and fads (such as Tech Decks, Nokia flip phones, silly bandz, Yu-Gi-Oh cards, Beyblades, Flash Mobs, and Tamagotchis, just to name a few), that have long since died out come the 2010's. Regardless of that, Slign is occasionally capable of dishing out some genuinely wise and sophisticated information from time to time, and he actually majored in Biotechnology (minoring in Hip-Hop) in college. However, he claims he got "bored of dat ching-chong nerd shit, yo" and became a full-time rapper. Slign has experienced some considerable success... in the underground scene. His level of popularity isn't quite as all-encompassing as Silm Shady's, but Slign's getting there. What Slign lacks in social skills and manners he more than makes up for in passion and even pragmatism - he created a "Rap Labor Union" and convinced underground rappers around the country to unionize, under the logic that "the bigger somethin' is, the harder it fucks, y'feel homeslice?" If there is one thing in the world Slign hates more than flamers, the government, Chavs, and Crocs, it's Niggav, a fellow rapper. Niggav is Slign's mortal enemy - just mention the name around Slign, and he will explode into a lengthy, fire-spewing diatribe outlining all of Niggav's supposed flaws, be they his outdated philosophical views or the size of his penis. The feeling is mutual, however; Niggav formed a rap union of his own, 2Slick4U, just to spite Slign. Their rivalry predates even the dinosaurs; before the dinosaurs, there were these two, spitting bars at one another in the hopes of destroying the other. Trivia * The extensive, well-documented rivalry between Slign Asghgubar and Niggav is very similar, if not outright inspired by, the East Coast-West Coast Hip-Hop Rivalry that occurred from the early to mid 90's in America. Jaclose, apparently a hip-hop and R'n'B enthusiast, makes note of this. * Slign has supposedly made or been involved with over 108 mixtapes, most of which are stuck in his "vault", a la the real-life Prince. * Slign and the Reel Hip-Hop union members will sometimes attend Niggav concerts just to throw burned copies of his own mixtapes at him. At one point, Niggav taunts them for wasting their money on those mixtapes just to burn them, causing Slign to bash Niggav's skull in with a Playstation Portable. * After hearing rumors about Austin's victory over Niggav in a rap battle, Slign becomes noticeably friendlier towards him and VSSPAL as a whole, even though beforehand Slign was one of those edgy teeangers that hated cops and anything related to cops (like lawyers and doctors).